The Notebook vs. The Chapelle Show

Megan: gooooooood morning!
Mike: good morning
Mike: how was your weekend?
Megan: great
Mike: i smell a yoga boy story
Megan: so sunday
Mike: yoga
Mike: 10:50
Mike: you're whipped already
Megan: :P
Megan: took him to this funny diner in chinatown after, he was suitably impressed by my coolness
Megan: then we walked around in the rain for awhile, he bought me this cool fruit from thailand that was so yummy
Mike: awww how cusack
Megan: of course he knew about it because he'd been there
Megan: so then we went back to his place, watched shopgirl
Megan: (good movie, btw)
Mike: when was the funeral?
Megan: and he was in a skeeball tournament that night, so i went to watch/cheer him on
Megan: funeral?
Mike: here lies "Boyboycott". It was a short but fulfilling life…
Megan: hahaha
Megan: well
Megan: we'll see
Mike: who are you kidding
Megan: so basically we hung out for about 12 hours yesterday
Megan: and it was fun
Mike: "we'll see" means "i hope he continues to like me"
Mike: because you're obviously smitten
Megan: thanks for the confidence boost!
Megan: well, i am
Megan: but i'm still a little wary
Mike: mhmm
Megan: the whole 2 years/2 months thing
Mike: a little wary means
Mike: "i know i shouldnt throw caution to the wind, but im going to anyway and atleast i can say i was wary if it all goes south"
Mike: i mean, what is wary?
Mike: what does it mean?
Megan: it means that i'm trying not to expect anything
Mike: ok thats a good answer
Megan: but i met a few of his friends last night, they'd all heard of me as the yoga partner
Megan: i hope that's good, at least they'd heard of me
Mike: no reason why they wouldnt
Megan: it was a lovely time
Megan: and now i just have to not get neurotic waiting for him go call/im me
Mike: so meg
Mike: I’m starting to get the sense you’re a romantic
Megan: um, i suppose i am
Megan: sort of
Megan: not a mushy, poetry kind, tho
Megan: i feel that poetry is cheesy, usually
Mike: right
Mike: but an autumn in ny kind of girl
Mike: no?
Megan: i guess
Megan: i've only had two romantic boyfriends, and i did like it very much
Megan: but they're hard to find
Mike: good
Megan: so if you were yogaboy how long would you wait to contact me?
Megan: i'm trying not to think about it, but it's kind of driving me crazy
Mike: ugh
Mike: you fall hard
Mike: what happened to: Megan: it means that i'm trying not to expect anything
Megan: okay, okay!
Megan: i'm not thinking about it
Megan: i have a busy week
Mike: but you are
Megan: and should focus on work and social life
Megan: not boys
Megan: you are right
Mike: of course im right
Mike: would you have a blog about my advice if i was ever wrong?
Mike: :-P
Megan: lol
Mike: listen flash you need to slow way down
Mike: i dont like this head over heels nonsense
Mike: it doesnt bode well for the blog
Mike: i didnt create it, but i have to protect it's interests
Megan: hahaha
Megan: ok, ok
Mike: if you go having some bf you have far fewer adventures
Megan: haha
Megan: don't worry, my flakey funny friend is dragging me out on saturday night to entertain her brother (basically an unstated double date)
Mike: then it becomes "wah I wanted to watch The Notebook and he wouldnt turn off the Chappelle Show"

Yogaboy gets Yellow Light

Megan: okay, so i have a question for you
Mike: shoot
Megan: so i bumped into this guy that i interned with recently
Megan: we go to the same gym
Mike: haha
Mike: more fodder for the blog
Mike: fantastic
Megan: so this weekend we went to yoga together, and then got lunch after
Megan: and walked around a bit
Megan: he said he'd call
Mike: hes gay
Megan: then he im'd me and asked me to go to a movie
Megan: so we went last night, and it was fun
Mike: IM sorry that was a sweeping stereotypical generalization and i retract.
Mike: oh really?
Megan: and afterwards we got some food and drinks, and he asked me if i had been in any relationships during the two years that since we last saw eachother
Mike: no mention of yogaboy yest to me
Mike: booo
Megan: i said, you know, eh, a few, nothing longer than 6 months
Megan: and he said that he'd been in a 2 year relationship that ended 2 months ago
Mike: thats a strange question to ask
Megan: yeah
Megan: well, it was kind of a "this is definitely becoming a date and not just hanging out" moment, so he asked if i was seeing anyone, that led into it
Megan: but my question is, should i be really worried that he just got out of a long relationship?
Mike: thats the right question- not "how many people have you been with"
Mike: yikes.
Mike: yes.
Megan: LOL
Megan: yeah, that is def the wrong question
Mike: hes lonely
Megan: okay, how worried
Mike: well
Megan: hmmmm
Mike: he might be addicted to companionship
Mike: which isnt healthy
Mike: could mean hes needy
Megan: true
Mike: and probably insecure
Megan: he seems fairly well-adjusted
Megan: and he's pretty confident
Mike: i base that on his "past relationships" question
Mike: what do you want to know?
Mike: if you should date him?
Mike: who broke up with who in their relationship?
Megan: i guess i already know what you're going to say
Mike: no because i havent made up my mind yet
Megan: he seems to be the break-upper, he said it was an amicable end
Mike: right
Mike: didnt want to sound weak
Megan: he also mentioned that it was a last year of college thing that just kept going for another year
Mike: if thats true it bodes a little better for him
Megan: i'm still confused, tho, he's been nothing but nice and decent, went to yoga with me, i mean obviously he's a guy and wants what all guys want, but he's been really cool and fun
Megan: and he's a good kisser
Megan: lol
Mike: well
Megan: yes, oh wise sage?
Mike: hes not random
Mike: so hes an upgrade
Megan: hahaha
Megan: he makes ice cubes with grapes in them
Mike: he's so gay
Megan: and didn't get offended when his roommate and i teased him about being martha stewart
Megan: def not gay
Mike: just because you rolled the dice doesnt mean hes always on the same team
Megan: i promise
Megan: i am absolutely certain
Megan: not gay
Mike: why so certain?
Mike: i mean
Mike: i dont know anything about this guy except a) ice cubes with grapes and b) yoga
Megan: well, if he were gay he wouldn't have been as excited when we were kissing last night
Megan: he played lacrosse, works out with weights almost every day, and works in Interactive
Mike: ok so probably not
Mike: although those lacrosse players can get sloppy
Mike: i dont know
Megan: mike!
Mike: yellow light
Megan: your whole job is to tell me how not to date!
Megan:
Megan: okay, yellow light
Mike: you want me to tell you not to date him?
Megan: NO!
Megan: i like him so far
Megan: okay, so when he left he asked me what i was doing this weekend
Megan: i reminded him about my concert trip
Megan: he told me he's still expecting me at yoga the next morning, 10:50
Megan: and then said he'd call
Megan: analyze, mike, analyze!
Mike: well
Mike: it sounds like hes got his target set on you
Mike: but
Mike: keep this in mind
Mike: a) he just broke up with a long term relationship. There is a void he is trying to fill rather quickly
Mike: and b) if this falls apart you need to find a new gym
Megan: LOL
Megan: okay, sage advice
Megan: i'm already looking for a new gym!
Mike: ok
Mike: red flag
Megan: what?
Mike: if hes coming off a long and potentially rocky relationship
Megan: yes
Mike: hes in full "play the field mode"
Mike: date him with the understanding that
Megan: that could be true
Mike: you're probably not his only lead
Megan: ew
Mike: or his only date this week even
Megan: this is why i boyboycott
Megan: sheesh
Mike: ha
Megan: well, i asked if he had anyone who might consider herself his girlfriend, and he said no, he wasn't seeing anyone at all
Mike: uh huh
Mike: and a guy who got out of jail hasnt robbed any banks yet
Mike: doesnt mean hes not trying to secure a getaway car

The 1% and the 99%.

In this adventure-packed post, Mike explains about the 1% and the other 99%.

Mike: Hi
Megan: hello
Megan: how're you?
Megan: hahahaha, i've got a funny story for you!
Mike: oh good
Mike: i need one
Megan: more fodder for our "mike tells megan how not to date" blog
Mike: shoot
Mike: ha
Mike: yes!
Mike: am i not going to like this?
Megan: okay, so sunday night i was waiting at columbus circle for a D train to go home
Megan: i'd been to church with my friend, and had dinner, and was tired and ready to be home
Megan: but no less than FIVE A trains went by, and no D train
Megan: so people on the platform started kinda laughing and cracking jokes about it
Mike: shared human experience
Megan: so one of the guys who'd said some remark to me about the train got on the D train that finally dragged itself into the station
Mike: causes unlikely interaction
Megan: and sat next to me
Megan: and proceeded to chat with me the whole trip home
Megan: (not that long, but still, complete invasion of personal bubble)
Mike: so it was unwelcome?
Megan: i mentioned that i was coming from church, hoping that it would throw him off
Mike: haha
Megan: i mean, he wasn't freaky or scary, just strange that you'd talk to someone on the train
Mike: you should have offered him some kool aid after that
Megan: it really is a personal bubble system
Megan: hahaha
Megan: but no, that did not deter him
Megan: he proceeded to walk a few blocks with me outside of the train, until we were at his block, at which point he asked me to get a drink
Mike: persistant
Mike: ent
Mike: ant
Megan: i was so taken aback i just kind of handed him a business card and ran away, checking behind me to be sure he didn't follow me
Megan: scary
Megan: and now he's emailed
Mike: haha
Mike: meg
Mike: rule #1 of shady guys
Megan: i've decided to tell him that god doesn't want me dating right now
Megan: :)
Mike: i thought we covered this
Megan: i know, but what was i to say?
Mike: tell them ANYTHING but how to find you again
Mike: you got it backwards
Mike: because you ONLY told him where to find you again
Megan: i felt physically intimidated, it was the only thing i could do to distract him while i ran away
Mike: well jeez
Megan: like throwing a bone to a dog then getting out of the yard
Mike: vistaprint.com
Megan: hahahaha
Mike: they'll send you 250 free biz cards
Megan: see, seriously
Mike: make fake ones
Mike: a friend of mine did
Megan: really?
Megan: wow
Megan: maybe i should
Mike: "super stealthy psycho ninja death squad"
Mike: not relevent
Mike: but it shows that they're really free
Megan: the cards?
Megan: really?
Mike: yeah
Megan: vistaprint.com
Megan: hmm
Mike: you can be anyone
Mike: itll be fun
Megan: hahaha, i can totally make up a phone number
Megan: ooooh, i'll find out the reject number and put that on!!!
Megan: YES!
Megan: this is BRILLIANT!
Megan: mike, you are a brilliant man
Megan: so as for this email which is now sitting in my inbox
Mike: (Link: http://www.rejectionhotline.com/)http://www.rejectionhotline.com/
Megan: let's see if anything in it is funny
Mike: ha! you beat me to it
Mike: i was googling while you were saying that
Megan: "You're right about your business card. Very unique indeed. Flipped it over half-expecting to find shoe size, favorite movie and greatest high school accomplishment."
Megan: well, he does have the crazy annoying business card pegged
Megan: haha
Megan: i am totally making these business cards today
Mike: hehe
Mike: glad i could help
Megan: it is ridiculously difficult to get the number from this web site
Megan: sheesh
Megan: hmm, anything else of interest in the email . . .?
Mike: wait
Megan: "I'm off to California on Wednesday, but would love to get together for a drink or a bite to eat when I get back. Know you were a little hesitant, but I can assure you that it'll be low-key and that I clean up pretty well (won't subject you to yellow sneakers or paint covered shorts)."
Mike: youre a little bit all over the place today
Mike: which web site
Mike: vista or the rejection
Mike: because the rejection had a number on the homepage
Mike: haha
Mike: lets analyze this
Megan: the rejection
Megan: i have to find one with the proper area code!
Megan: it's cool, i've got the 212
Megan: okay, analyze away . . .
Mike: "ive got a life and dont need you, but i want your shit and soon. I know I'm creep, but I'll try not to be at first."
Megan: hahahahahaha
Megan: that's totally going on the blog
Mike: btw
Mike: odds are that wasnt paint
Megan: EW!
Megan: you're so gross!
Mike: um
Mike: i was going to suggest stains from being homeless
Megan: oh
Megan: haha
Mike: who is gross now
Megan: me! :)
Megan: any more analysis?
Mike: no i think you handled yourself well
Mike: but the fact is
Megan: he's a creep?
Mike: any guy will look for any excuse to talk to an attractive girl
Megan: who speaks to strangers on the subway?
Mike: so whenever there is a shared human experience, watch out
Megan: so maybe he's just a normal guy and not a creep?
Megan: lol
Megan: what should my last name be on my "business cards"?
Mike: no he's probably a creep
Mike: or worse
Mike: an artist
Megan: LOL!
Megan: he said he works in finance
Megan: but he works for himself
Megan: so he's an unemployed artist who sits at home all day
Megan: that would make sense for the paint
Mike: which means he cleans the urinals at fidelity
Megan: hahaha
Megan: EWWW!
Megan: who's gross now?
Mike: someones gotta do it
Megan: yuck
Megan: it's sad, true, but still sad
. . .
Megan: lol
Megan: i totally made up a company, changed my last name, made up an address and email addy, and put on the rejection hotline #
Megan: woohooo!
Mike: lol
Mike: you need to show me the pdf
Megan: how do i get a pdf?
Megan: do they send it to me?
Mike: oh
Mike: no
Mike: sorry
Mike: mine was custom art
Mike: im assuming youre doing a template
Megan: ooooooooh
Megan: yes
Megan: free business cards, remember?
Mike: right :-[
Megan: i mean, i guess it's worth a little money to get off so easy blowing creepy men off
Megan: hmm
Megan: lol, "Please select your primary use"
Megan: personal, business, or realtor
Megan: i chose personal
Mike: i'd say thats accurate
Mike: wow
Mike: these guys are really going to feel like shit
Mike: thats awesome
Megan: now you're making me feel bad
Megan: and i won't be able to actually give it to anyone
Megan: awwwww
Megan: damn, still have to pay for shipping
Mike: its cheap tho
Megan: maybe i should save my money and just learn how to say no
Mike: haha
Mike: nah
Mike: easier to adapt to the way you are than change
Megan: i don't think i could actually give this card to anyone
Megan: LOL
Mike: you know how you react in those situations now
Mike: hey
Megan: what?
Mike: when youve got curious george hanging on you on the D train and youve got both cards in your wallet....you'll give out the fake one.
Megan: haha
Megan: damn, the free ones have "vista print" advertising on them
Megan: they won't look terribly official
Mike: haha
Mike: say you work for vistaprint
Mike: then it'll look EXTRA official
Megan: but i work for The Chrysalis Group
Mike: nice
Megan: and my email address is Megan.(lastname)@TCG.com
Megan: oh yeah, TCG
Megan: i'm cool
Mike: haha
Mike: i like who YOU wont even give ME youre FAKE last name.
Mike: nice.
Mike: thanks.
Mike: how
Mike: dmanit
Mike: damnit
Mike: your
Mike: arg!
Mike: im a mess
Megan: LOL
Megan: are you having a seizure?
Mike: lol
Mike: my cube mate looked at me during that lol
Mike: so you know its genuine
Megan: well, i'm seriously thinking of posting our convo's as a blog, and i dont' want the whole world able to read my fake name!
Megan: hahahaha
Megan: GOL
Megan: ok, so i googled train-boy's company that his email came from
Megan: it's a sad sad website
Mike: ooohh let me see!
Megan: and there's a directory, but he's not on it
Mike: haha
Megan: (Link)
Megan: it is an UGLY web site
Mike: does his card say "vistaprint"
Megan: lol
Mike: he might be using it for the opposite- to play himself up
Mike: ew
Megan: oh, and their address is different, so maybe that's not really what he works for!
Megan: hmmmmm
Megan: I THINK YOU"RE RIGHT!
Megan: he thinks this will make it look like he does really work in finance, unless someone realizes that his email address is off
Megan: it's "@blahblahblahcap.com" instead of "@blahblahblahcapital.com"
Megan: CREEPY!
Mike: of course im right
Mike: i should write a book about creepy guys
Megan: GOL
Mike: because i really understand them
Megan: how exactly did you get this deep understanding?
Mike: im aware of the inner psyche
Mike: and the worst of men
Megan: mhhmmm
Mike: its all guys
Mike: not just creepy
Mike: i'd say 1% of guys are well adjusted
Megan: so i'm doomed
Megan: haha, you were getting great pics while i was getting picked up by a creep!
Mike: the other 99% fall above the mark or below
Mike: above the mark give you assholes
Mike: below give you creeps
Mike: or emotional insecurities
Megan: oh goody
Megan: that's it, boyboycott in full effect
Mike: what time did this take place on sun?
Megan: about 9:30
Megan: pm
Mike: hmm
Megan: i really am at a loss, it doesn't make any sense, his email address . . .
Mike: ugh

At this point Mike's disgust with my lack of following his direction overwhelms him and the topic is changed. Thanks again, Mike!

Addicted to possibilities

In this exchange, Mike comes up with the best idea yet . . . a Nicorette for boys.

Mike: theres a hip DJ in town tonight
Mike: too bad youre in a lame city
Megan: yeah, and too bad i'm tired
Megan: lol
Megan: was out until 1:30 last night, gonna go home and get some shut-eye
Mike: oh?
Mike: why so late?
Megan: friend in town who was leaving this morning
Megan: had to get the most out of the trip, time-wise
Mike: i see
Mike: well 130 = good time, right?
Megan: yeah, it was great to see him
Megan: just sad that it was only 2 days
Mike: boycot over?
Megan: visits are either never long enough or waaaay too long
Megan: haha, no
Megan: still boyboycotting
Megan: it's bittersweet, i could see myself being a funny old couple with him, but i'm not willing to move to socal to see if it would happen
Megan: so just good friends for now
Mike: ahh
Mike: tension sucks
Mike: esp. for someone who is addicted to possibilities
Mike: :-P
Megan: hahaha
Megan: well, i guess i'm trying to take steps to curb my addiction
Mike: if only there was a nicorette for boys
Megan: lol
Megan: that's exactly what i need

There are crabs at the beach

In this conversation, I explain to Mike that although I am tired of getting emailed by creepy men from myspace, I still want my profile to be public. He starts talking about crabs.

Megan: i turned my profile back to public
Megan: couldn't handle the isolation of friends-only
Mike: haha
Mike: aww
Mike: how romantic
Mike: you're addicted to possibilities
Megan: someday my prince will come
Megan: that is so true!!!
Megan: haha, that's my new quote
Mike: thats what the whole internet it about right?
Mike: i mean its why you have to check email and have to be on aim and have to let the world see your myspace account
Megan: i guess
Mike: but
Mike: lets talk for a moment about crabs.
Megan: um
Mike: if you want to find crabs, you go to the beach.
Mike: odds are, there are crabs at the beach
Mike: but if crabs are what you really want
Mike: than you probably shouldnt look in a cornfield
Mike: the point is,
Mike: myspace is a cornfield
Megan: so what's the beach, o wise one?
Mike: lifes the beach
Mike: and by beach
Mike: i mostly mean be-ach
Megan: hahaha

Welcome.

Hello to any random person who has stumbled upon this blog. I apologize for the posts to follow, for while we think they are funny, they will probably just confuse most people. But hey, we think they're funny! So what this whole blog consists of are just IM conversations between myself and my friend Mike. I tell him about my dating misadventures, and he tells me what not to do. Most of the time he tries to convince me not to date creeps. Ha. As if that's possible when you live in NY. But I digress. That's what the blog is, we hope you enjoy it, and feel free to comment that Mike is a genius, and if you ask nicely enough perhaps he will give you, too, advice on how not to date.